KonMari your relationship
The moment you choose to discover and accept your most authentic self, magic happens. You will liberate yourself, peel off the inessential, and become free to fully own your life. So what does it have to do with your relationship? Well, it all starts with loving yourself. Without self love, there is no capacity to genuinely love another.
Remember, when we were still able to travel by plane….? Put on the oxygen mask on yourself before helping others. Or, putting it in KonMari and decluttering terms: you can’t KonMari anyone else before you’ve KonMari’d yourself.
When it comes to intimate relationships, knowing what does and does not spark joy isn’t as simple as it is for objects, but the KonMari philosophy is the same.
MARIE KONDO
Introspection – happiness comes from within
Taking care of your inner world is crucial for achieving happiness. According to positive psychology researcher Sonya Lybomirsky, “happiness is the experience of joy, contentment, or positive well-being, combined with a sense that one’s life is good, meaningful, and worthwhile”. External factors also shape the way we think and feel about life, ourselves, and our partner, especially now, having lived with a global pandemic for a year.
So what is the reason we should look deep within ourselves first before looking after our partner? It’s not uncommon that we project our feelings and see our own flaws in others, resulting in unfair criticism. Yeah, most of us have done it at some point in time. So go back, look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if there are areas within you needing some (more) decluttering, love and care. Here’s how:
Take care of yourself
Spend time in nature. Exercise regularly. Eat healthy and nutritious food. Make time for yourself and spend time doing what you love, also alone. Be grateful for what you have and exercise mindfulness in a way that resonates with you. Rest and sleep enough, it makes all the difference for your mood and mindset (especially if you have kids!). A healthy body leads to a healthy mind which also reflects in your relationship.
Detox your life from anything that doesn’t serve you
Just like you would KonMari your clothes and any other belongings, take a look at all areas in your life with the same spark joy mentality in mind. Surround yourself and your partner only with people that support, uplift, and nourish you. Assess your home, health, relationships, purpose and work life, finances, commitments, lifestyle, consumption, fun, and values. Letting go of anything that drains you of energy, toxic even, will create more space for you and your partner to live with less stress and enjoy more tranquility and quality of life.
Invite fresh joy into your relationship with these 4 tips
Whether you feel like embarking on a joint decluttering journey or just wish to communicate better make sure to discuss your vision, ideal lifestyle, and common goals. Listen, learn and care about your partner’s dreams, hopes and wishes – you might be surprised at what you hear and it might just be the motivator you need to start that long due project.
1# Prioritise by creating uninterrupted date space in your diary
No more excuses. In other words, ruthlessly declutter your calendar from insignificant commitments that you simply don’t enjoy but feel you need to attend for various reasons. You actually need to invest time in your relationship and prioritise your partner if you want your relationship to work! Schedule a regular weekly date, whether you stay home for take away dinner or take a walk around the block. Take turns in organising something fun for each other, be creative. Try a new hobby together. Make it simple, especially now when options are limited anyway, it doesn’t need to be complicated to spend quality time together, as long as it’s without any distractions.
#2 Declutter your bedroom
Maybe you would be keen on more romance but your partner’s clothes are piled up all over the bedroom? The bedside tables full of visual clutter? You may not even realise how much this affects you subconsciously by increasing your stress levels. If you want your bedroom to feel calm and be an inviting place where you can rest and recharge the most powerful thing you can do for yourselves is to tidy up. Fold that laundry, clear those surfaces and wash those sheets and bedding on a regular basis. Make your bedroom your own, fresh haven of harmony and happiness.
#3 Unplug from your tech devices
The wasted time scrolling on social media is never coming back to you. Maybe those messages and emails can wait until tomorrow? One of the most appreciative and caring things you can do for your partner is to turn off your devices at a certain time each day (unless you’re expecting an important call/message) and be available and present in the moment.
#4 Surprise your partner
Do you know what your partner likes? What makes him/her tick? Surprise your partner from time to time by doing just that. Whether it’s cooking an amazing meal, hugging, kissing, wearing sexy underwear, or leaving hidden love notes for your partner to find. Whatever you do, never take your partner for granted, stay positive and grateful, always. That is truly attractive.
This article was first published on the expat blog My Swiss Story, where I am part of the expert editorial panel as the Home Expert. Would you like to contribute as a guest writer? Please contact me.